Hey Friends. What a title huh? I decided to name this blog LOASL because of the many facets of my life. In the www, and in life, I go by 3 different names. They begin with the letters, S, B, and M. (All I'm missing is the D... then it'll be BDSM lol.) Each of which has it's own comfort level.
For instance, S is the most restrictive. He has to hide most of who he is to protect his ass. Friends of S wouldn't accept his true self, yet most of them look up to him and know he's a true friend. They confide in him, ask for advice, hang out and tell jokes... heck, I know most of them love me as a person. But there is a machismo factor here, and unfortunately therein lies the problem. So S can't be totally open with them, and vice-versa. Guess there's an unspoken rule in effect. So S has to always be on his p's and q's... watch what he says, how he says it, hold back on things, basically be a situational expert.
M is a little less restrictive. Some of his friends can handle anything he can dish out without any judgement or criticism... unless needed. Still, there are others that are more open than in S's circle, but there are still subjects that are off limits. Some of this may be M's fault, not giving those in this circle a chance... to see if they can handle the whole person of M.W. His fear of rejection or ridicule restricts him to not be his whole self with most, but not everybody.
Now B can be his true self, with a group of people that are like-minded, or non-judgemental. Problem is, this group is online, except for a select few that B had the chance to talk to on the phone or meet in person. B is the happiest of the 3 personalities because he has nothing to hide. He was able to get things off of his chest with his group, most of which consists of very personal, tragic, real life experiences. This group of people helped B realise who M.W. as a whole person truly is, and may have saved his life.
M.W. still has to juggle between S, M, and B... but recently S, has taken a break from his circle of friends due to some health issues that's been going on for a few days shy of a year now. That may be a good thing though. Hopefully, S will disappear and not be needed any longer... and M and B can merge into M.W. (Maybe with the help of this blog) But until then, these are the layers of a schizophrenic life.
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I have the privilege of knowing B and of being privy to some of the things that are hidden from the friends of M and S. I have no doubt that the integration of your three personas into the genuine M.W. will produce a man of substance, a man without fear of and without shame of his inner self, a good man. I look forward to following your journey.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny... but what you describe, the different layers of personality, I call the "chameleon effect".
ReplyDeleteI am one of those types of people who get along with everyone from all walks of life. It's because I'm like a chameleon, where I can adapt my personality to mirror the person I'm speaking with.
There are definately groups of friends that I have that only know one layer, and there are definately people that wouldn't appreciate the humour of, or agree with the actions of some of the layers.
You are less alone than you think you are, I'm thinking, darlin.
First, I want to get the superficial stuff out of the way:
ReplyDeleteOooooh! Your blog is so pretty! I like the colors! It makes me think of acid jazz.
Okay. Now that that's out of the way I want to thank you for inviting me to read your blog! It means a lot to be trusted with your most intimate thoughts and feelings. I hope you'll be able to get from your journal everything you need for your journey. I'll be reading, and rooting!