One Day At A Time

Yeah, my last blog was depressing. Believe me, I'm NOT a drama king. I just needed to vent my feelings to the unsuspecting masses. Guess that's the manic in me taking control of my thoughts. It's just, pain is becoming my best friend. We know each other so well. I still have faith. Everything is in GOD's time.

I rationalize things by saying, "Well, maybe me being in pain is keeping me from being killed...either in a traffic accident, shooting or whatever." I'm usually not a negative person. Maybe I'll have to deal with this affliction for the rest of my life, so I'll have to figure out how to manage it. Today, it felt like a scalpel was slitting through the left side of the groin. Like a muscle pull, or separated tendon or something. It has to be nerve damage. I'll have to reconcile that fact if it's so. I'd just like to know what it is.

One day at a time I guess. That's all I can do. I've been trying to be proactive in my health, trying to figure out what's going on. Maybe I'll go back to the VA tomorrow and see if I can get some answers...instead of more of the same. If the VA is any clue as to what socialized health care would be like, they can keep it. I have to get answers to what's going on. I need solutions. I need time lines. I need relief. I need recovery...or at least a plan of attack.

I have to go to the urologist...or orthopedics...or my primary care doctor. She should be in concert with those other clinics to try an diagnose what my problem is. It can't be a medical anomaly...there has to be a reason and a cure. They've had 1 year, with no results. It may be a combination of things...but each of those things should have an effective remedy. I'm hating the Ban-aids they've been giving me. If I need surgery to fix things and make my life normal again, fine. They've taken cat scans, MRIs, blood tests, etc. and all of which came back negative. My lymph nodes are swollen in the left groin for a reason. They said the lesion in my right hip is benign...but the pain is on the left side, or the prostate. It could be something as simple as a narrow urethra...which I would think would show up in all of the scans and MRI. They say my prostate is of normal size now...but there is an elevation of white blood cells. I've had tests for STDs and came back negative. Something is going on. All I want is a clear consensus answer and remedy.

One day at a time I guess, it's all I can do.